Horse

G'day. Name's Horse. Named after the legendary, hard-case feline from Footrot Flats, and carrying all the looks, attitude and don't-mess-with-me energy to match. If you've ever wondered what it would be like to have the original Horse running your property, well, here's your chance! I'm currently looking for a new patch of dirt to call my own. A barn, a farm, a lifestyle block - anywhere with decent shelter, regular meals and enough space for me to do my own thing without some human constantly sticking their nose in my business. I'm a fiercely independent sort of bloke. I don't need a fancy cat bed, designer toys or someone telling me how handsome I am. I already know. I've also got a useful set of skills. Mice in your barn? Consider the problem under new management. I'm a natural-born hunter, and keeping the local rodent population on its toes is right up my alley. Think of me as pest control with whiskers, claws and a rather impressive attitude. Now, I'm happy to tolerate the odd petting session, but don't get carried away. A quick scratch might be acceptable, but if you mistake that for an invitation to smother me in affection, I'll be happy to explain the rules. I've got excellent communication skills, and I don't always use my indoor voice. I'm a bit feisty, strong-willed and not exactly everyone's cup of tea. I prefer to call it having standards. I'm not here to be a lap warmer or your emotional support teddy bear. I'm here to patrol my territory, keep an eye on things and look intimidating while doing absolutely nothing in particular. In return for a safe, sheltered barn, regular meals, veterinary care and a human who respects my personal space, I'll provide a commanding presence, dedicated mouse-catching services and the occasional reminder that you're not actually in charge around here. My ideal human? Someone who understands that I'm more of a working arrangement than a cuddle arrangement. Someone who appreciates a cat with character, knows when to leave well enough alone, and doesn't take it personally when I decide the meeting is over. Small print: I'm not a beginner's model. I come with opinions, boundaries and absolutely no customer service department. So, if your property needs a boss, your barn has mice, and you've got room for one more independent contractor, I might consider your application. References available upon request. Don't expect me to chase them up. Horse. Farm supervisor. Mouse-catching specialist. Professional hard case.